Daddy, daddy ,daddy, daddyyyyy I need you! Daddy am I special to you? When you see me; Am I beautiful? Oh Daddy you wasted time.
I spent years to define who I am to you. I spend years trying to measure up to qualify to your top five qualifiable guest to your heart. Did I get in?
I see your silent strength and you loud weaknesses and yet you are still so beautiful to me. So beautiful to me.
I spent my life applying your standards to my life in hopes that I will replace the void and emptiness.
I spent the tender years searching for your heart; Hoping that when I found it just one touch will heal my broken heart.
Daddy did you see your little girl is fragile? Like a beautiful Tulip seeking the gentle tender loving care of her strong protector. Daddy even now will you still protect me?
There's still a part of me that needs your protection.
Daddy if I knock on your door would you finally acknowledge me? Would you hold me as your baby? Would you take care of me? Did I do something wrong? Why did you leave me? Do you know that I don't want to be treated like other people in your life. Do you know that I want to be treated like your baby girl never growing up to her daddy.
Daddy? Do you know I pray to God every day for his love to safe guard you? Do you know in my prayers I want only the best for you. Do you know in my prayers I ask God TO HEAL YOUR HEART. A thousand prayers is measure in one single tear. Oh daddy I miss you! Im afraid that I've lost you forever.
I am amazed when I see my husband with our daughters. Just recently, I mentioned to him that he has become a tutu dad meaning he is that kind of strong father that would dress up with daughters and dance around for the priceless, happiness and joy that it brings them.
I watch how in a moment of complete silence he holds them and as if confidence was a mist I would see it transfer to him to them with a single embrace. I see strength radiates from them when they know the head daddy their hero will be their protector and provide. I see how when he speaks even if they don't fully understand his words stick to their hearts.
How daddy's support assures them that they can flutter free. He is a hero their only natural hero. I often look at that and I am at awe its just so beautiful. I remind my girls that to have a daddy so in-tuned, engaging with them is such a wonderful blessing.
For daddy made a choice to be there in there lives no matter what his life threw at him and that is such a great gift to them from him. For him it was an honor to be daddy a pleasure a joy a love unwavering.
I realize, that I still have work to do, Lots of work. Even in my most pensive thoughts; in today's blog I realize that I still have a void in my life a deep void. I miss my Father. I miss my daddy's love and affection and that I think I need it.
Deep, deep down I am that innocent baby reaching out to be held. Hoping that daddy will pick me up that he would hold me in his loving arms and carry me. That the woman now is longing to be his daughter and not his friend. That I withdraw my status as a stranger and seeking pending status upgrade to family. 😔
I have even recognized that every mistake; I have made in my intimate relationships has stemmed from the lack of his fatherly love. (Being fair even if it was unwillingly and non-definitive his fault).
I acknowledge, that without the grace of God I would not have been fitting and even deserving to have love and appreciate my husband. Now that's deep!
I conclude with this I acknowledge my void. I love my daddy, I miss my daddy, I wish he knew and understood. I wish he knew that he is my hero. I wish he knew that he is being demoted daily from hero to acquaintance.
I wish he knew that my hope is keeping the hero alive. Realistically! Unfortunately, he doesn't.
I have learned to live with what is and strive for the better. I am grateful that at least, I know my daddy and I can find him. Will he be ever capable in offering me what I believe I need? I am not sure. That may be an expectation higher than what he can even reach.
If you are experiencing something similar; We have make sure we dig deeper within ourselves for a greater pursuit that is bigger than my daddy your daddy. That is loving all of ourselves completely. Loving oneself more than daddy could ever and forgiving ourselves first. Daddy to needs to be forgiven for something he is unable to share.
I just thank God where ever there is a natural emptiness, The Holy Spirit pours into it. I thank God for being constant never void, never tired, never weary he is always moving on my behalf he is now moving for me. He is now working for you.
Isaiah 46: 4 NKJVEven to your old age, I am He,
And even to gray hairs I will carry you!
I have made, and I will bear;
Even I will carry, and will deliver you.
Until you were created until you become old with age. Your heavenly father will care for you. What earthy being can compare?
Daddy, I love you.
I am shifting my focus to the one I truly count on. Until the love of God consumes my emptiness with his love I will pursue him relentlessly. I will reverently pray his love consumes you to.
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Longing for Daddy: Healing from the Pain of an Absent or Emotionally Distant Father
Hurt People Hurt People: Hope and Healing for Yourself and Your Relationships
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